PART 2: The Middle, The Muddle, and Magnanimous
On New Year's Eve we ushered in a new year with a confirmed diagnosis. Clay was diagnosed with cancer (stage 1) - surgery was scheduled promptly (9 days later). My mother-in-law, Melissa, scheduled her flight as soon as she heard the news.
The day of surgery felt long. We arrived at the hospital early. Our pastor and his wife came to pray with us, which was a really nice way to start the day. Melissa and I waited in the waiting room. We were chatted up by a receptionist with an exceptionally raspy voice and a chronic cough. She claimed she wasn't contagious. Melissa and I weren't sure about that. I'm sure we both washed our hands a million times that day. The doctor finally came in and told us everything went well. His presence was calming, and I was impressed with the way he answered our questions and the information he shared.
Clay came home to a new recliner we purchased the weekend before. Let me tell you, this recliner is like sitting on heavenly pillows. One of the best purchases we've ever made. The timing was perfect, because after surgery, one deserves to have a comfortable chair to come home to.
Clay's surgery was on a Friday. I only missed one day of work. Melissa stayed a few days into the next week to cook and clean for us while I went to work. She was truly a godsend. We were both very thankful she came. I needed her just as much as Clay did. I would have been a wreck without her.
After that, life returned to normal. Work, home, weekends exploring the area, grocery shopping, farmer's markets, church on Sundays. Clay seemed like he always was...except that chemo loomed ahead of us. That was another unknown. How would he handle it? But for me, most days, these things felt abstract and far away. It was difficult to process. The way I cope during stressful times is just to do. I react later. So much of the time I know I probably seemed nonchalant, stoic, or unconcerned. But it was really that I was busy doing. The feeling would come later.
It hit in March. Apparently, I was all doing-ed out. I got sick - ugly sick, sleep-with-a-roll-of-toilet-paper-in-a-separate-room sick. And when you LOOK like you belong in an insane asylum (crazy hair, wild eyes, no connection with the outside world), it's not a far leap to be emotionally out of sorts and distressed. Great way to put Clay at ease before chemo - have a sick, shut-in, wild-haired wife coughing up a lung. We had to defer Clay's chemo for a week so he would not be too weak to stave off any infection. Clay was put on antibiotics too...just in case. I pulled it together by the time chemo rolled around. I looked like a functioning member of society and had much better hair and social skills.
The chemo was one day. Just a really strong dose. The cancer treatment center was really wonderful. The staff was very friendly and every room was comfortable for both patients and visitors. In the lobby, there was a basket of free pet rocks. I picked one out for Clay with a picture of an octopus that said, "Smile!". It was the most manly pet rock I could find. It accompanied us to the treatment room. The pharmacist kept coming around and passing out snacks. He insisted I take some too (even though I was not being treated and did not NEED strength like Clay did). Regardless, I think I ate for two - me and Clay. Clay nibbled. I seriously snacked. My love affair with Cheez Its was rekindled. Lots of nervous energy happening that day.
Clay never had any horrible symptoms, but the chemo did make him weak. He felt well enough to WANT to do things, but not well enough to actually be productive. He was restless, and felt useless. It made both of us crazy. The chemo compromised his immune system in such a way that he was not cleared to fly home for Easter as we had planned. This was devastating news. Because when you're across the country from family, and you're sick, you want the comfort of those you love. Memories of our lonely Thanksgiving haunted us and we were having a hard time knowing that another empty holiday loomed ahead of us. We called my parents and begged them to push up their trip. They agreed. What a relief!
Around this time some beautiful things happened:
1) Lori Farnsworth checked in on me regularly and passed on very helpful advice to Clay. She was such a comfort and encouragement during this time.
At first I was scared to ask her advice, because I guess I felt like our experience wasn't nearly as severe as what she had experienced. I knew Clay wouldn't die. There were no overnight ER visits or IV tubes or losing hair. He didn't have a port put in. It was only one treatment. Lori had had serious, recurring bouts with cancer. She had just had some experimental treatments and was anxiously awaiting the results of some scans. Her health was precarious. Clay's was temporarily compromised. Everything was caught early and he had an great prognosis. It did not seem fair that she had suffered so long, and had an iffy prognosis...so I nearly lost my nerve to ask her recommendations.
Thankfully, I ignored my silly insecurities and asked her questions anyway. She was more than happy to help out, and I was so blessed by her friendship. I'm so glad my stupid fear did not rob me of such sweet and wonderful conversations with such a beautiful person. I had the opportunity to learn from her and pray with / for her. A privilege I will cherish always.
2) We were also thankful for the care of our church. I had asked for meals for one day, but they fed us all week. I underestimated my ability to accomplish tasks during this time. I had lots of prescriptions to fill, errands to run. I did a test drive with Clay to work and back, because I wanted to make sure he had the stamina to do it. These sorts of things interrupted my day, so cooking would not have happened. Thank God for people who feed you when you're hungry and check in on you during trying times.
3) Both my work and Clay's work were exceptionally supportive. We have wonderful jobs and work with wonderful people. We are so very blessed!
4) Alison was hired at work. We were in the middle of a staffing crisis when she arrived. We were down a staff person, and I had been absent a whole week. Needless to say, things were really hectic at work. My boss had two programs to manage, and I had two offices to run. Plus, my job description changed dramatically. Alison was such a godsend. Could not have made it through without her. An added bonus is that she was/is not just a good coworker, but a good friend. And...you can never have to many of those.
5) Easter happened and my parents came to visit. We needed some Texas in our lives right about then. They were just what the doctor ordered. Again, we packed a punch with their visit (just as we had done with Clay's family). We went to Windrose Farms, Avila Valley Barn, The Sea Caves in Avila (should be Cave singular....not sure why the 's' is added on the sign), Avila Beach, Port San Luis, Moonstone Beach in Cambria, Pasolivo for Olive Oil Tasting, and church on Easter Sunday. Tradition dictated that we also dye Easter Eggs. Dad refrained from stealing extra eggs this year. Aside from freezing my parents to death with our chilly, frosty mornings - they had a great time and so did we.
The day of surgery felt long. We arrived at the hospital early. Our pastor and his wife came to pray with us, which was a really nice way to start the day. Melissa and I waited in the waiting room. We were chatted up by a receptionist with an exceptionally raspy voice and a chronic cough. She claimed she wasn't contagious. Melissa and I weren't sure about that. I'm sure we both washed our hands a million times that day. The doctor finally came in and told us everything went well. His presence was calming, and I was impressed with the way he answered our questions and the information he shared.
Clay came home to a new recliner we purchased the weekend before. Let me tell you, this recliner is like sitting on heavenly pillows. One of the best purchases we've ever made. The timing was perfect, because after surgery, one deserves to have a comfortable chair to come home to.
Clay's surgery was on a Friday. I only missed one day of work. Melissa stayed a few days into the next week to cook and clean for us while I went to work. She was truly a godsend. We were both very thankful she came. I needed her just as much as Clay did. I would have been a wreck without her.
After that, life returned to normal. Work, home, weekends exploring the area, grocery shopping, farmer's markets, church on Sundays. Clay seemed like he always was...except that chemo loomed ahead of us. That was another unknown. How would he handle it? But for me, most days, these things felt abstract and far away. It was difficult to process. The way I cope during stressful times is just to do. I react later. So much of the time I know I probably seemed nonchalant, stoic, or unconcerned. But it was really that I was busy doing. The feeling would come later.
It hit in March. Apparently, I was all doing-ed out. I got sick - ugly sick, sleep-with-a-roll-of-toilet-paper-in-a-separate-room sick. And when you LOOK like you belong in an insane asylum (crazy hair, wild eyes, no connection with the outside world), it's not a far leap to be emotionally out of sorts and distressed. Great way to put Clay at ease before chemo - have a sick, shut-in, wild-haired wife coughing up a lung. We had to defer Clay's chemo for a week so he would not be too weak to stave off any infection. Clay was put on antibiotics too...just in case. I pulled it together by the time chemo rolled around. I looked like a functioning member of society and had much better hair and social skills.
The chemo was one day. Just a really strong dose. The cancer treatment center was really wonderful. The staff was very friendly and every room was comfortable for both patients and visitors. In the lobby, there was a basket of free pet rocks. I picked one out for Clay with a picture of an octopus that said, "Smile!". It was the most manly pet rock I could find. It accompanied us to the treatment room. The pharmacist kept coming around and passing out snacks. He insisted I take some too (even though I was not being treated and did not NEED strength like Clay did). Regardless, I think I ate for two - me and Clay. Clay nibbled. I seriously snacked. My love affair with Cheez Its was rekindled. Lots of nervous energy happening that day.
Clay never had any horrible symptoms, but the chemo did make him weak. He felt well enough to WANT to do things, but not well enough to actually be productive. He was restless, and felt useless. It made both of us crazy. The chemo compromised his immune system in such a way that he was not cleared to fly home for Easter as we had planned. This was devastating news. Because when you're across the country from family, and you're sick, you want the comfort of those you love. Memories of our lonely Thanksgiving haunted us and we were having a hard time knowing that another empty holiday loomed ahead of us. We called my parents and begged them to push up their trip. They agreed. What a relief!
Around this time some beautiful things happened:
1) Lori Farnsworth checked in on me regularly and passed on very helpful advice to Clay. She was such a comfort and encouragement during this time.
At first I was scared to ask her advice, because I guess I felt like our experience wasn't nearly as severe as what she had experienced. I knew Clay wouldn't die. There were no overnight ER visits or IV tubes or losing hair. He didn't have a port put in. It was only one treatment. Lori had had serious, recurring bouts with cancer. She had just had some experimental treatments and was anxiously awaiting the results of some scans. Her health was precarious. Clay's was temporarily compromised. Everything was caught early and he had an great prognosis. It did not seem fair that she had suffered so long, and had an iffy prognosis...so I nearly lost my nerve to ask her recommendations.
Thankfully, I ignored my silly insecurities and asked her questions anyway. She was more than happy to help out, and I was so blessed by her friendship. I'm so glad my stupid fear did not rob me of such sweet and wonderful conversations with such a beautiful person. I had the opportunity to learn from her and pray with / for her. A privilege I will cherish always.
2) We were also thankful for the care of our church. I had asked for meals for one day, but they fed us all week. I underestimated my ability to accomplish tasks during this time. I had lots of prescriptions to fill, errands to run. I did a test drive with Clay to work and back, because I wanted to make sure he had the stamina to do it. These sorts of things interrupted my day, so cooking would not have happened. Thank God for people who feed you when you're hungry and check in on you during trying times.
3) Both my work and Clay's work were exceptionally supportive. We have wonderful jobs and work with wonderful people. We are so very blessed!
4) Alison was hired at work. We were in the middle of a staffing crisis when she arrived. We were down a staff person, and I had been absent a whole week. Needless to say, things were really hectic at work. My boss had two programs to manage, and I had two offices to run. Plus, my job description changed dramatically. Alison was such a godsend. Could not have made it through without her. An added bonus is that she was/is not just a good coworker, but a good friend. And...you can never have to many of those.
5) Easter happened and my parents came to visit. We needed some Texas in our lives right about then. They were just what the doctor ordered. Again, we packed a punch with their visit (just as we had done with Clay's family). We went to Windrose Farms, Avila Valley Barn, The Sea Caves in Avila (should be Cave singular....not sure why the 's' is added on the sign), Avila Beach, Port San Luis, Moonstone Beach in Cambria, Pasolivo for Olive Oil Tasting, and church on Easter Sunday. Tradition dictated that we also dye Easter Eggs. Dad refrained from stealing extra eggs this year. Aside from freezing my parents to death with our chilly, frosty mornings - they had a great time and so did we.
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